My life as a tree.

When I got to church this morning, this tree was the first thing I saw. There are several full size bradford pears surrounding the parking lot that were planted about 10 years ago. Each one was dedicated to remember or honor a loved one.  At this spot was Jim's tree.  His stepmother Jane had honored him this way.  On May 2, 2009, half of Jim's tree broke off during a storm.  This was the night before he died. Actually, it coincided with the time his daughters and I surrounded the bed and told him how much we loved and needed him, but we would understand if it was time for him to join his son Jake.  It was several weeks before I was told exactly when the tree broke. A prayer vigil was held in this parking lot several weeks before that and around 100 people attended. Jim's grandson Jaxson was shown his Papaw's tree the night of the vigil.

For two years, half of the broken tree continued to live.  Of course, it wasn't a beauty like the surrounding trees.  It oftentimes looked so sad. I continued to hope it would regain its shape and beauty.  A couple of weeks ago, during another set of storms, the remaining tree fell over.  A young tree was replanted in its place.  I am in the process of relocating so I knew nothing about it. The head of the trustees found me this morning to let me know, but of course, I already knew and had taken a picture. I just needed the details filled in.

I realized during the service today that the tree was me.  It was broken the same night I was. And for almost two years, it was alive, but not thriving. It was surviving only.  And close to the two year mark, the old life let go and a new life began to grow in the same spot.

Several widows who are older than I told me along my journey to give myself two years. Almost every one of them said two years would pass before you feel alive again. My hero Jon told me early to forget about getting back to normal. I would have to find my way to a "new normal", as the old one was forever gone. Being a younger widow, I wanted to reject the two year suggestion.  Surely, it would not take me that long.  I should listen and learn more.... it was very close to two years.